Thursday, January 20, 2011

The heart of winter

The other day I was commenting to my son that we never really had a summer. I mean, it got hot like maybe 5 days and the rest of the season was so mild. Enter into autumn and we never really had an autumn. Nothing about these two seasons was extreme at all. Here we are at winter, and people are wearing shorts and flip-flops some days. I know, not too weird here in the NW, but still...we were supposed to have the worst winter ever this year and so far it's not been extreme in any way. Well, on the drive home, I got to thinking about people who crave sunshine or warm weather, especially when it's so cold and dreary out. Right in that moment, I didn't crave it. I don't hate the NW rain and lack of sunshine, I've never been too bothered by it. Although as I've aged, it's gotten harder. But on this particular day, I really, really didn't want the sun. I so deeply craved a full on, extreme winter and was feeling ripped offthat we may have gotten through it with no big storms or cold fronts. This led to me thinking that maybe all these "mild" seasons are only considered mild because of comparison and expectation, based on the season before, and that it kind of goes along with the idea that without the sour then the sweet just ain't as sweet!! That led me to start thinking about the winters of our lives. Without the winters in our lives, the summers, springs and falls aren't so sweet. We enter into the easy times of our lives with expectation or comparison to other times, and when they don't measure up or when they measure up poorly, then everything loses it vibrancy.

I then thought that the past few years, when I've been spiritually dry and really searching on my journey, that this is my winter. I've been in the heart of winter. My deep longings are to open up and bloom, to let beauty fall forth, to show growth and abundance...just like the blooms of spring and summer. that same time, I'm holding on tightly to this season. I don't want to let go, and I am 99% sure it's for a sinful reason. That I want to hold onto this "poor me" time and not move on, despite the yearnings of my soul. Just like, as much as I'm anticipating spring so I can clean up our yard and spring clean and wear less layers...I am holding tightly to winter, trying to let it have its full say and run its course, so upon arrival of spring, I can fully say farewell to winter without holding onto it at all.

These are the things that I think about while driving. Deep thoughts, they pray you don't share the same road as I, in case I find myself too distracted!

1 comment:

Julianna Lawson said...

"Like a crocus in the snow,
I stand knee-deep in Winter . . . holding Springtime in my heart."

~Joan Walsh Anglund :)